The Light in the dark Tunnel

It has been a long time I visited this site. The last time i drafted my post was all about struggles in life which I decided not to post it. One thing I noticed was that everytime I will write one struggle another struggle will follow. Then I decided to stop and promise myself, the next time I will open and post in this blog it should be something light in the dark tunnel that I was in. A solution, a miracle or something encouraging and positive. Would you believe that it took me almost two years before I found that light. There were so many times that I really want to write my aches and my pain but as I promised myself to forget and don't dwell on it. I stick to my promise to write only positive ones. Do you believe that for the past two years, it was a constant struggles-- there were times that my husband lost the job again and again, kids were sick and need to be hospitalized, constant bank calls and visits to my workplace which gave me so much stressed, etc. Nothing positive except that we are together as one family. And you know, If a you cannot make ends meet and if the pressure continues, things can explode at home. The credit card problem where I was in is the most treatening experience. I know that Debt is simply the result of living beyond our means. Those times of spending habits are likely to lead to a spiral of debt. Spending more than what we earn by resorting to borrowing from others, using credit cards and frittering away savings, Taking out loans to buy goods and services that aren't necessary, using debt to repay debt etc... Until such time that I do not know what can I do to break out of the cycle of debt and get our finances back on track... Then I started to stop and listen to noise within myself, I surrender myself to God and i put all my trust in God's love especially in the lap of our blessed mother, giving everything back to Him. I said no one can help me now except my God. I need a miracle. So, I made a promised that I will not worry anymore. Then my constant prayers and faith brought me to life again, to see light in the dark tunnel.


During this journey, I went for a confession and asked the priest what is the best thing to do? I even asked him if we just leave the country at ones and start all over again--smiling, he said that is the easiest thing to do as if nothing happens and life must goes on. If am an ordinary person now, I will say to you, pack your things and leave before the police will catch you. Of course as a priest, I will not tell you that. He then said, did you do evething to sort things out? or what have you done to solve your problem? I was astounded with his question? yeh, what have I done? Nothing? then I said, I did pray hard...he said, prayer is not enough, you need to put action in your prayers as prayers without action is dead. HOw? He then said, maybe you sit down and list all your friends and their contact numbers, whether short or long acquintance as long as that friend knows you or your husband, or family friend..and tell them that you need help, tell the amount, tell them this much, tell them that you are in the brink of hell with that credit card problems. I then said but father, isn't it to much to ask from them and it is also embarrassing because it is credit card problem---then he said--thats it, it is too shameful, it is too embarassing and you will surely feel humilation--forget about your pride if you want to help yourself otherwise just wait that you will behind bars soon...God said work and I will bless your work. He will not come down and give the money infront to you and will say pay out your debts. Who knows among those people that you will tell, one of them wants to do charity and has nothing to do with his/her money. So, I left the confession booth with a heavy heart. Although, I still listened to him. Everyone that I met, I made a point that he/she would be aware that I needed help.



Then one day last October, a new acquintance, a new friend came across my way. We started to talk about how bad and good my day was, as simple as that, then, she became a friend to me and to the kids. I have told her about my worries and struggles, she became so supportive to me since then. Then one day, she asked me how much money I need to solve my bank pronlems? I was astaunded with her question---to make the story short she then granted me a loan and went to the bank and paid it off. The whole amount was paid and my police case has been released. Although the lending of money from her was done secretly and only 2 or 3 persons know about it. I want to shout it to everyone that God answered my prayers but I promised her not to tell anyone. I have cried so many times and said to God, LORD THIS IS TOO MUCH BLESSINGS!!! Although I still need to pay such big amount but at least no more police case and no more interest... I know it would be hard for the next years but at least I know it will come to an end. I have never stopped praying and He gave it to me...and I promised God to learn from my fault and never to go back to that dark tunnel again. From that struggles, for the year 2012, I note down some of my resolutions which I know it is not too late yet!!! 1) I should start budgeting – it is never too late; I will try to negotiate on our rent or maybe hire some borders; I should cut back on utility expenses, make less overseas calls and reduce your usage of electricity and water; I should be very watchful so I can eliminate unnecessary expenses, like entertainment and eating out; I hope I can cut down on transportation costs; I should learn from saving on big purchases; For appliances, instead of replacing, I will go for repairing; and I should always think it twice before buying anything so I can avoid an impulse buy. As I know that if I follow the above general rules, I am already half way there to avoid falling into the debt trap again, any mistake should be acknowledged right away and all situations should be tackled objectively and should be negotiated smartly. I should be aggressive as well, although, the rules of a country might be binding, but I know I can make my our own rules to keep my head above water. ASK, BELIEVE, and RECEIVE!!!

A promise in a constant struggle...

I was wondering why to some people, life is a constant struggle? Would it be because there are particular sins that are mentioned in God's Word that hindering once prayers. Sins that are unrepented ones. Let us go back to the scripture which we know that we can apply to own heart and life and find what grieves God.

In Psalm 66:18, he says that "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me."

I think He did not say that if I have sinned or if at this moment there is any sin in the life, He would not hear me. For if He had then God could never hear a human being pray. For all of us have sinned. All of us have sin in our lives not only once but all the time. When I was praying, I was wondering if I can still get my prayers answered even if I am a sinner.

Yes i am a sinner, but I think as long as I will not love my sin and as long as I ask forgiveness for my sins, not just a simple forgiveness but a wholehearted repentance that is turning anything away from all the things that is offensive to the eyes of God. Otherwise, I know my will to change is dead. Personally, If keep any secret sin in my heart, my conscience will not allow me to pray anything in the name of Christ, or ask Mama Mary's intercession, since my self will not allow me to believe that God will bless me.

Therefore, If I want God's blessing on my total life, then I should let my heart cry out loud to do anything that will please Him, serve Him,and honor Him. And the only remedy for our sins is CONFESSION! For it is His promised that, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

So, I realized that even if i am a sinner it doesn't mean that God will not hear my plea or I have to struggle in my everyday life. I even sometimes need struggles. Since, If God allowed us to go through our life without obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been.

I therefore say that we are the ones who benefit from the trials of life. We may claim a firm belief in Christ or our God. Or will follow His commandments or might say that we already entrusted our life in His loving care. We may think we would follow Him no matter where the road may lead. But I think until we have to stand with Him in the face of severe trials, we cannot be fully sure of ourselves.

Struggles and trials are never easy or enjoyable. Maybe we can view them as opportunities to show where we stand and we can learn from them where our weaknesses are. As it God is purifying us not to make us suffer but to prepare us for something wonderful...

From this very day, I promise myself to be....

I HAVE TO SAY YOU THANK YOU

Life is too short not to be happy. When I first decided to make positive steps in my life, which includes treating each day like a new beginning, embracing life with all of its hills and valleys, which is like a pure light of the rising sun. I knew I needed to do things for me like beads making, card making, scrap booking, sketching... these things make ME happy. God is making my life really happy. I can feel His presence in my daily encounter with Him. Last night, I decided to document my day to day encounter to make a project entitled “365 thankful days”. I want to pursue this project as my way of being grateful in everything that I have. It is so funny on how in your darkest hours; you'll hang on to anything you think will help save you from feeling the despair you're feeling at moments. So, for me, I see to it that I have a tight grip in all the things that I believe that will save me from feeling despair, and that is having Mama Mary, my heavenly mother, my refuge, my consoler and my joy, that’s why I have to say her Thank you.

I HAVE TO SAY YOU THANK YOU

I was so down and weary
I didn’t know where to go
Then you came to me unexpectedly
And took away my sorrow.

I couldn’t believe at first
What was happening to me
I was filled with so much joy
To feel your love for me.

If only I could approach you
Mary, much earlier
I wouldn’t have experienced
The things that I’ve been through.

But still I have to say you thank you
For the trials that came my way
If not for them, I would not know about you
And be what I am today.

Oh Mary please mend my broken heart
Oh Mary do take care of my life
So I wont have cry nor terrified
When I have another trial I wont be alone
For it with be the two of us
Who’ll face all things together.

Walk where Jesus Walked - Journey to Jerusalem 2008

The Pilgrimage is the best way to discover the Holy Land & understand the Gospels, reading passages at the Gospel sites connected with them….I am happy to provide a place to share my experience from best of the Holy Land Tour 2008. I hope this help capture some precious memories of the Holy Land! I had a great time!! A few highlights from the trip (limited space):


I have had the privilege last year, October 2008 of being one of the Delegates of Dubai Holy Tour 2008 to experience the Holy Land, located in Israel, the place where God broke his silence and began speaking to man; where the prophets delivered the Word of God to a people in order to ready them for God’s intervention in the human race; where Jesus was born, lived, preached and died a violent death for our ransom and from whence he ascended back to his father, the same God the Father. You will never read or hear the Scriptures the same again once you have stepped on the ground upon which Jesus lived and died and ascended. What better experience is there for the believers in one’s lifetime. So scared is this place early pilgrims over the centuries literally walked untold miles to get the Holy Land. The names of these sacred places are illuminated constantly in our hearing while scriptures are opened for us at worship. It’s a trip of a lifetime guaranteeing lasting memories. A perfect taste of heaven here on earth.

ON THE ROAD OF CHRIST - a journey of Faith


Friday, Oct 03: Arrival at Amman airport. Transfer to hotel. Dinner and overnight in Amman, Jordan.

The flight from Dubai to Jordan buzzed with anticipation. We were finally going to Israel, the land of Jesus and the prophets of long ago. We touched base in Jordan at 6:30 pm. The weather was cold as we ambled out of the airport and into a waiting bus for a half an hour bus ride to Region Hotel at Jordan. Our schedule for the next few days would be hectic; after all, we didn’t come this far to stay indoors. We need to stay for one night in Jordan.

Saturday, Oct 4: Mt Tabor, Jordan River Baptism

Early in the morning we headed to Israel border to finally get in the area. I'ts Somewhat kind of scary…. It is just like saying… "We shouldn't be here". Israel Immigration was very tough in terms of security in allowing any tourist, that means you will undergo and present all the entry requirements and need to pass the immigration and have your visa stamp!
After a very scary securitization from the Israel Airport we headed to the city of Jericho. While driving towards the Temptation Restaurant, we halted briefly at the tree of Zaccheus. We recollected how when Jesus was passing by, Zaccheus had climbed the sycamore tree to see Jesus, who then asked to stay at his home. We took our lunch at the temptation restaurant,Jericho . Lunch was followed by a ride to Mount Tabor while passing Mount of Temptation. A taxi picked us up from the base of the mount and took us to the Transfiguration Church, built over the spot where Jesus was transfigured and met Elijah and Moses. We then headed Jerusalem to Astoria Hotel for dinner.

Sunday, Oct 5: Sea of Galilee, Boat ride, Mt Beatitude, Banias

We descended the mount and headed to Capernaum, where Jesus multiplied loaves and fishes and fed 5000 people. We then visited St. Peter’s house and the Church of the Primacy of Peter at Tabgha on the northwest shore of the Sea of Galilee. The church commemorates Jesus' reinstatement of Peter. A flat rock inside the church known as Mensa Christ, or Christ’s table, is where Jesus dined with His disciples. We recollected various events in Peter’s life at these sites. and fed 5000 people. The Sea of Galilee is where Jesus chose the apostles, calmed the storm and walked on water. We took a boat ride over the sea. We hoisted the Philippine flag on board and we sang the national anthem. We could feel the mighty presence of God at this sea as we sang and danced for the Lord. The Sea of Galilee beckoned us to try a delicacy known simply as St. Peter’s Fish. The Church of Beatitudes was next on the itinerary. This is where Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount. The view from the church was spectacular, with lush hills and the Sea of Galilee in the horizon. We prayed to God, praising Him for everything He had created. In the afternoon, we headed up the Golan Heights to the Springs of Banias (Matt 16:13-20), also known as Caesarea Phillippi where Peter said "Thou are Christ". we drove to the traditional Baptism site at the Jordan River. We then drove onto Nazareth for dinner and overnight.

Monday, Oct 6: Cana, Nazareth, Mukhraka, Haifa, Caesarea, Jerusalem


Visited Nazareth (Luke 1:26-28), known as Jesus' town or the boyhood home of Jesus, the Church of Annunciation and Mary's Well. We continued on through the area to Cana ( John 2:1-11), site of Jesus’s first miracle of turning water into wine and celebrate the renewal of marriage vows. We then headed to Haifa, Israel’s largest port city, built on the slopes of Mount Carmel. We visited the famous Persian Hanging Gardens and made a brief halt at Elijah’s cave at Stella Marris. Visiting these Biblical places that we had read and heard about since we were little kids was enough to stir our souls. The heavenly view around us made it all the more special. A cool breeze blew over us, pilgrims as we pray, reviving both soul and body. We drove down the coast to Caesarea (Acts 10:9-20), capital of the Roman province, and saw the Roman Amphitheatre and aqueduct built by King Herod. Drove to Jerusalem. Overnight Jerusalem

Tuesday, Oct 7: Mt. Olives, Gethsemane, Kidron valley, Bethlehem

We started Day five with a visit to the Mount of Olives. This where the Lord’s prayer – ‘Our Father’ is carved in marble in every language of the world. I of course, read the Our Father in visayan dialect. A very powerful anointing rested on everyone present as we prayed the prayer to our Heavenly Father. The experience will remain etched in our memories forever. We then walked to the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus sweated blood as He experienced grief and agony for the cup of suffering He would have to drink for our many sins. We too entered the garden and knelt as Jesus did. The presence of our God in this place was tremendous. After lunch, we visited Shepherd’s Field. We sang shepherd songs here giving glory to God. Fellow pligrims could not resist the music and joined in. We then drove through the Kidron Valley to St. Peter in Gallicantu built over the palace of the High Priest Caiaphas. We continued to visit the Upper room (Luke 22:14-20). Drove south to Bethlehem (Micah:5:2) and visited the Church of the Nativity (Luke 2:2-8), and below it the cave-stable of Jesus' birth. Time for Mass. If time see the Shepherd’s field. Overnight in Jerusalem.

Wednesday, Oct 8: Bethany, Jericho, Qumran, Dead Sea

Following breakfast, we drove to Bethany, home of Martha, Mary and Lazarus (John 11:17). We have seen the wine-press. Continue to visit Qumran where the Essene enclave was and see the caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found. Then, we will enjoy a swim/float in the Dead Sea. Returned to Jerusalem for dinner and overnight.

Thursday, Oct 9: Old City: Temple area, Christian shrines,

We saw the Wailing Wall, the Dome of the Rock, and Temple Mount. We glorified God for everything He had created. We then visited the tomb of King Herod. A memorial there commemorates the Massacre of the Innocents, the first-born children Herod killed in an attempt to get rid of the child Jesus. After lunch, we visited the Church of the Assumption of Mother Mary and the upper room where the Holy Area with the Al-Aksa Mosque and Dome of the Rock. We saw the Pool of Bethesda where the angel ruf­fled the water, and St. Anne's Church, traditional birthplace of Jesus' mother. We then tracked the Lord’s final route to Calvary (Via Dolorosa). Jesus carried the cross along this route, and as we followed in His footsteps, we experienced the passion of Christ. Surprisingly, we were not tired as we made the narrow climb.The weather was pleasant and God Himself was carrying us. We then went to Golgotha, or the place of the skull. We experienced God powerfully at the Tomb of Jesus (Garden Tomb), where we remembered Jesus’ final hours and broke bread in His memory. Everyone present experienced the mighty anointing of God at this place. At Calvary, a silver star hole marks the exact spot where the cross once stood. We worshipped Jesus at this place and thanked Him for dying so that we may live. We also visited other historic places in the Old City. We also walked the Cardo in the Jewish quarter. Leave the city through the bazaars to the west by Jaffa Gate. At the end of the day, visit the Garden Tomb. Thereafter, we retired for the night.


Friday, Oct 10: Ein Karem, free afternoon

We started the day with a visit to Ein Karem where we visited the Church of John the Baptist and the Church of the Visitation. We continue to Emmaus to see the Franciscan Church and the ruins of the old town. Balance of the day free for rest, reflection or last minute shopping.

Saturday, Oct 11: Allenby Bridge, Madeba, Mt Nebo, Amman airport for departure

Early crossing into Jordan (Allenby Bridge). We visited the Christian village of Madeba see the ancient mosaic map of the Holy Land. We saw the Holy Land Model, a scale model of the ancient city of Jerusalem, our Guide walked with us through an accurately detailed smaller version of Biblical times in Jerusalem as well as the architecture and décor of the Temple. Drove on to Mount Nebo where Moses viewed the Promised Land. You can see the Jordan Valley, Jericho and the Judean hills beyond. Also see the remains of Byzantine church with their mosaic floors. After lunch transfer to airport for departure (@ 15:00).



Israel is truly a land blessed by the Lord. We thank God for taking us to the Promised Land, where Jesus and the prophets of long ago walked. This too is an experience we will cherish forever.

I am a living proof!

My life has been guided with this passage from the Bible, Matthew 21:22 … And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.” I am writing this to anyone who has also been guided with this passage and feel they are not getting what they are asking for. To believe that you have received what you have asked for is the hardest part in prayer. Even when I was younger, I already love these words ….Believe even when there is no hope, believe when no one around you doesn't - BELIEVE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE. Like many others, I also have many dry spells in my life. In fact, I once found myself in a real desert, feeling so lonely, devoid of finances as if you could really say that what a powerful feeling of needing money can be, and most especially no emotional freedom in the sense that I need to be somebody who is not the real me just to please people around whom I loved and I like to be with. In spite of these odd pretensions, it is still very hard for me to reach the limelight although I managed to be an achiever. I excelled mostly in all areas of life I am into. However, sometimes people respond to my achievements differently than I expect. I’ve noticed that I kept meeting odd blockages along the way. Would you believe that a person who for no apparent reason hated me of something I don’t even know? Then I realized that it is because I have so much hatred in my heart. I have been tremendously hurt when my father left us for somebody whom he believed better than us. I was certain that the hate drove me forward in life, made me not only a fighter but an achiever, ready to take on any obstacle. And I was right - anger dominated in all areas of my life. Yet my circumstances were only getting worse as I was blocking anything good from coming to me and I attracted every negative situation in life. Like, I gave up my teaching profession in just one click of my thumb which I was with for almost 13 years, I’ve hurt so many friends in some ways which was very hard to patch up, business was so down, were behind on all of our payments and I saw no way out… As if God didn't seem to be cooperating. I was to the point of despair.
Then one day, I was in the church at that time listening to the speaker of a Marian Retreat. The speaker mentioned that if you want to achieve what you have been dreaming for and if you want to receive more you should master the ability to give THANKS…It is important to note that we should remember to thank our creator. Give thanks for our body and mind and our ability to work, to feel the hurt, to dream, to activate, and to achieve. So, I was touched with what he said and I truly gave thanks and unquestionably felt the gratitude. I started to forgive and forget. I started to culture love and affection. I was somewhat successful at first and had some amazing things happen, yet knew that I was missing the boat somewhere along the line.
Until one day, things were so desperate that I felt I was at the end of my rope again. We had less than zero in our bank account, our credit had not been paid and was due, Left and right phone calls from the bank etc. I still did not let that effect me. I told myself whatever would be would be. I gave it over to God and Mama Mary and I redoubled my efforts to focus only on what I wanted no matter what was going on around me. It is not just a 24 – 7 faith, it is an “as-if faith”…then, I imagined clearly the solutions to every problem. I told myself, "I can do it! I begin to pay attention to the nudges I was getting, and I stopped worrying! I spoke only of what I wanted in my life and believe that it is on its way to me. Most importantly, I never gave up even when it seemed like things could not get any worse. I believe faith works, I trust God to know and fill my needs, and I had utter faith that something wonderful had happened. I also began to understand that love of self is incredibly important.
These days I envision my life as a problem-free (ha ha). It became very clear to me that I needed to activate change, prosperity, and positive energy again in my life. So, I started to smile and feel a very happy feeling as if I see smiles everywhere I look. Hearts overfilled with warmth and love for all the beauty life has to offer each of us. I see joy and amazement all around me. I am so filled with gratitude that I am sure I will burst into a million pieces and come back together as me, over and over again. What a glorious feeling to have and to be!
My greatest dream is to help others learn how to be happy and grateful in the midst of all the odds of life. My desire to do my part, to bring people back to our creator as I am patching the lope holes I was in and spread how wonderful life is and how lucky we are. I want to say to anyone who needs encouragement, anyone losing hope, and anyone who thinks this might not work, to keep focusing on what your heart desires, keep at it, be persistent, trust completely, believe entirely, and faith will find you and bring you every single thing you want. I want to shout it to let the whole world know. I am so grateful for every breath I take, everything of beauty I see, for every person on this planet and beyond. I want to say – something good is waiting for you. Just believe and never stop in believing! Have faith in God and you can have your hearts' desire! Faith is not believing that God can but faith is believing that God will.
It really, really works! I am living proof!